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--- Advice Column for Nov, 2002 ---
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- Can a woman actually be good or bad at sex? What
makes one better than the other? In other words, what
can a girl do to be a great lay?
- Heather, Age 20 from Georgia
Excellent question. I hold private, one on one classes
for voluptuous, motivated females wanting to improve
performance. Of course there's a 3 month waiting list...
but it's a free service I offer out of the goodness of
my heart. (j/k). The real answer is, yes, it's possible
to be a great lay and it's possible to be a terrible
fuck as well. My last g/f was the WORST. Terribly
inhibited, afraid to try new things, and bossy. Yuk!
Funny thing was, she had no idea. She even commented
once how great our sex was. I nearly fell of my chair
when she said that. She really had no clue.
- The Man
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Question
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I recently went out drinking with this guy from work.
I kissed him but it meant nothing. Now it's like he's in
love with me and he won't leave me alone. I've told him
that I don't want a boyfriend. What can I do to let him
know he isn't my type without hurting his feelings or
making work feel uncomfortable?
- Caroline , Age 27 from South Carolina
Well, there's nothing like brutal honesty. Of course
you're at work with the guy everyday, which could create
problems. This might be one of those storms you need to
ride-out.... In other words, sounds like you might need
to do one of those classic 'avoidance' run patterns
where you put up with his crap until he simply gets
tired of trying. Just blow him off the same way you've
been doing it. You don't need to go out with him any
more or kiss him, but you do need to let him down easy
and over time if you want to preserve status quo.
Congrats. You've just learned why it's usually a bad
idea to fish off the company pier.
- The Man
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Question
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Hey Man. My girl wants me to kiss her right after she's
done going down on me, but I don't want to because, you
know... She says if I won't kiss her afterwards she won't
do it anymore. What should I do?
- Jeff, Age 20 from New York
Well, buddy, welcome to the 'real world' of sexual
maturity. The rules change depending on the partner. Right
now you're in a pickle. Sounds like your only choices are
(a) learn to do without the BJ or (b) pucker up, cowboy.
- The Man
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Question
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I just turned 20 years old. I have been with two girls
in the last month intimately. I have never been intimate
before these experiences. Before this began to happen, I
would masturbate from 1-3 times daily, off and on. The
first of the 2 girls wanted sex. I have entered her 3
times now, and every time I slowly lose my erection. The
other girl was giving me oral sex, and after about 7 or 8
minutes, I would begin to lose my erection. The first girl
has also given me oral sex three times, one of which was
at least 10 minutes long. I did not ejaculate at any of
these times. I am seriously worried. Have I damaged myself
from masturbating for so long? Should I seek help?
- Chris, Age 20 from Kansas
Relax, Chris. Everyone knows that over-masturbation can
make you nearsighted and in some cases can cause premature
baldness, but not impotence. Try an eye doctor and perhaps
consider getting yourself some Rogaine just in case. Just
kidding, of course. You sound fine. Go see a doctor if
you're concerned, but trust me when I tell you that 1-3
times per day is not atypical.
- The Man
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Question
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I recently started seeing a man who is 38. Soon after I
found out he was still a virgin. Can you please tell me a
good reason he would have waited so long? By the way, he
is not long untouched.
- Janie, Age 40 from Florida
So let me get this straight. You appear into this guy's
life and soon after he's no longer a virgin? My question
for you is, are you smoking crack? Sounds to me like he's
simply employing one of the oldest angles known to man and
you sucked it up (no pun intended) like a kitten lapping a
fresh bowl of milk. I could be wrong about this, of
course, but how many unspoiled 38 year old males are there
out there just waiting for the "right" woman?
- The Man
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Question
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I wanted to know what your opinion is regarding
boyfriends/husbands checking out other women and making
comments about them in front of their girlfriends/wives.
I have been dating a guy for little over a year and he
says he loves me but he is constantly checking out other
women and making comments about them. I have tried to
talk to him about this. I have told him it hurts my
feelings and that it is disrespectful yet he continues
doing it. He is a great guy but this has caused many
fights in our relationship. Am I making a big deal out
of nothing??
- Chris, Age 23 from Kansas
Yes... and no. Yes, you could simply decide it's not
going to bother you, especially if you know 'deep down'
that he's going to remain faithful. After all, looking
at a pretty girl makes us normal humans, not
untrustworthy. On the other hand, if it bugs the shit
out of you, then he should understand that it's a little
disrespectful and I think it would be reasonable for you
to expect him to tone things down. So, yes, you could
just decide to ignore this if you're secure in the
knowledge that it doesn't really mean anything, but if
you can't bring yourself to do that then he should
respect your wishes to put a lid on it.
- The Man
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Question
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Hi! I am heterosexual, so why do I like to watch
other women have sex or masturbate? Am I gay?
- Denise, Age 27 from California
You sound like the perfect woman. Stop worrying about it
and let me know if you live near me!
- The Man
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Question
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- Do you
have any idea how busy The Answer Man is??! If he
doesn't have time to answer your question, you can
always get (and give) answers in the public forums from
people just like you. Click here if you want to check them out.
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I am dating a 26 year old guy. He genuinely cares
about me, and vice versa; however, I'm having doubts
about whether this relationship can go anywhere for the
long haul because he's 4 years younger than I am. Will
you give me your honest opinion about whether you think
this is an issue? When I'm 32, he'll be 28. When I'm 40,
he'll be 36... Am I making too much of a big deal? How
would YOU feel marrying (not simply dating) a woman 4
years older? Thanks for your down-to-earth advice.
- Missy, Age 30 from Maryland
Well, it's like this. Everyone is different. Some guys
don't mind if the woman already has kids, while most do.
Some guys only date thin women while others prefer the
well-fed type. I don't think 4 years is that big of a
deal at your ages. If you guys like each other, then I'd
say, pretty emphatically, go for it.
- The Man
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Question
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Hey A-Man. I'm completely shaven down below and most
guys really seem to like it. Do you guys really like it
better that way, and if so, why?
- Cassie, Age 19 from Florida
So most guys seem to like the fact that you're shaved?
What did you do, some kind of mass research study? Focus
groups? Ink blots? Questionnaires? What?? And where can
I sign up to be in the next sample group? (j/k) At any
rate, if you want to know why we like it, go out and
perform the following basic experiment. First, go kiss a
baby's cheek. Then, go kiss the back of you dad's hairy
head. Now, which one did you like better?
- The Man
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Question
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My boyfriend was seeing an older woman for money. He
promised me that he was not seeing her any more and I
just found out recently that he still was. I have
obtained her phone number but do not want to call her. I
only want to get him on the phone and let him know he
has been caught and it is either she or I. We live
together. What should I do and how should I approach
him?
- Priscilla, Age 36 from California
Well there's all kinds of things going on here. First of
all, he sounds like a scum bag for using this woman
simply b/c she's got money. Why would you want someone
like that? I think you should move on. I imagine you can
do much better. At any rate, you can't make a person
decide to stop cheating by threatening them. All you can
do is make them stop until they think you're not
looking. They do it because, one way or another, they
want to. Either they are bored with you or they simply
enjoy multiple partners. Either way, I don't see why you
would want to trust someone that puts your life and
mental health at such risk. My suggestion is simply to
get rid of the guy.
- The Man
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Question
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One of your most emphasized points about sex is to
make sure that whoever you're involved with is mature,
safe, and can handle the consequences. On the other
hand, many people disagree with couples if there is a
large age gap. What do I do if the only guys I'm finding
that are mature, safe, and can handle the consequences
are men older than me?
- Jody, Age 17 from New York
I'm not worried about them, Jody. I'm worried about you.
You seem reasonable and thoughtful, yet you're playing
with fire nonetheless. Why is it so easy to see that
these men need to be mature, yet you plainly ignore
yourself in your observations? 17 year olds have no
business having sex. They don't have the resources to
handle the consequences of unwanted pregnancy or even
something as simple as a case of crabs. Saying you're
responsible and actually being responsible are entirely
different. One is lip service. The other is tangible. If
I got a woman pregnant today, I'd have enough money to
pay for an abortion, or alternatively if we so desired,
to pay half the expenses in raising the child. You, on
the other hand, would be paralyzed by fear at the
prospect of explaining to mom and dad how this happened.
You would be forced to rely in every way on the finances
and experience of others to solve your problem for you.
Understand the difference?
- The Man
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Question
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Dear A-Man: I am a 17 year old homosexual who has not
come out. I don't know how to go about it. My friends
think it is disgusting and I am afraid they would not
like me if I told them. I also do not know how to tell
my mom. How do I go about doing so?
- Stephanie, Age 17 from Texas
Well, my opinion on this subject has always been one of
restraint. While I understand the need to tell people
things so like this so that you can live life without
keeping secrets, I also live in 'reality' and understand
that this type of information is damaging. I suggest the
following: wait. Wait until you're not in high school
any more. Wait until you have a job and some
independence. There are clubs in college you can join
where you can learn from other people like you how to
handle these delicate situations. The problem with
'coming out' at your stage in life is that there is no
escape route. There's no place to go if you need 'out'.
Once you're on your own, you can begin to do as you
please. You won't be held prisoner in a school or at
your parents' home. See what I mean? I'd give myself a
chance at life, if I were you. Don't create controversy
until you have the means to manage the consequences.
Right now, you'd be pretty screwed if you let the cat
out of the bag only to find out it's all over high
school the following Monday.
- The Man
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Question
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My boyfriend (aged 35) of 7 months told me that he
took his younger brother to a go-go bar. My reaction was
not positive! The thought of him enjoying watching naked
women disgusted me! He always tells me he loves me and
there has never been any major problems in our
relationship. Can you please tell me why men find
pleasure in this...? I am a very attractive woman and
wonder why he likes to look at other women.
- Melissa, Age 25 from New Jersey
Let me begin by saying that I personally hate titty
bars. The women are fake (boobs, hair, personality,
everything). Their job is to lie to you by pretending to
like you so that you will give them money for sitting on
your lap. Frankly, I'm fairly disgusted by the whole
scene and I avoid it. That being said, I don't fault
guys simply for going to a show. The difference between
watching Britney shake her ass on MTV and 'Crystal'
shake hers at the Kit Kat Club is elementary. Try not to
overreact. It doesn't sound like he's in there every
other day. Also, I really don't think it would bother me
if my lady (I'm single, so speaking hypothetically) were
to see some male strippers. It's easy to imagine her
enjoying a show without envisioning her running off with
some hunky stripper dude name "Vlad". It's
just a show, after all. Hell, maybe it would make her
horny enough to rush home with an itch and a twinkle in
her eye, if you get my meaning.
- The Man
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Question
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If a girl is taking the pill, are there consequences
to not using a condom?
- Billy, Age 20 from Ohio
Sure. Pills don't work 100% of the time. Also, you can
get any number of diseases from her as well, not to
mention pass them on if you happen to have one.
- The Man
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