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Archives From 11/05/01 --- |
- I have
a higher sex drive than my husband (a lot higher) and this
really does put a strain on our relationship. I've tried helping
him get in the mood several ways. I'm tired of being the
instigator and would love for him to make the first move. We
only have sex approx. once a month, if that. I personally could
have sex at least 5 days a week. Besides our sex life, our
relationship is wonderful, but this problems adds stress. Is it
really possible for a man to have such a low sex drive?
- Gen, Age 27 from Indiana
Absolutely. I get emails like this all the time from ladies like
yourself who are frustrated with their men because they aren't
having sex as often as they'd like. So now that we know it's not
that abnormal, what do we do about this little problem of yours,
eh? I'd suggest you focus on finding the cause of the problem.
Is he not attracted to you anymore? You might need to get your
ass on a treadmill for a few months. On the other hand, if he's
just bored with the same old lights out, missionary position
routine then you're going to have to learn to fold your legs
behind your neck or something similar - learn a few new tricks.
Maybe he's just sick and tired of the same girl for 5 years (the
double edged blade of monogamy). In that case, why not go buy
some porn to watch with him? The bottom line is this: There's
always a reason. Getting him to share it with you is the tough
part and might be painful and difficult if it's something that's
liable to hurt your feelings. Once you can get him to spill the
beans, you'll be a lot closer to fixing this problem.
- The Man
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- I know
this might not be the site for this type of question, who knows?
I am an 18 year old girl and my life sucks. I am a total loser
and it couldn't get any worse. I am thinking about killing
myself and I have talked with councilors and teachers but
nothing is helping. My family thinks I am joking about it, but I
am not playing around with this. Do you have any advice?
- Laurie, Age 18 from Virginia
Look, I could go off about how suicide is wrong and beg you not
to do it and all that jazz, but I don't have enough info here to
figure out if that would even do any good. I'll attack the
obvious instead: How do you KNOW if you're really a loser? Is
this what some idiots at your school say? And what do you mean
by loser? Before you do anything serious, why don't you sit down
and define the term 'LOSER' so you'll know exactly what you mean
by it. Losers are people who don't try. Losers are criminals and
thieves and liars and fanatics and addicts and perverts - and
even then there's still hope for them. Are you like that? Being
overweight or ugly or unpopular (or all those things together)
doesn't make you a loser. It makes you just like most people,
except they are better at not letting it bother them. Try and
relax. Give yourself some time to experience the world around
you. Remember, you're just 18! And one last thing - you might be
clinically depressed. You should have your mom take you to a
doctor or ask for a doctor at school. They can actually give you
medicine that will make you feel better about yourself until you
start feeling that way on your own. Remember, happiness is just
a state of mind.
- The Man
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- Can a girl get pregnant from
having sex in the butt.
- Coleman, Age 19 from Virginia
Yes, but giving birth is like 10 times harder and the doctors
hate it because the kid usually smells bad. (j/k). Actually you
can but it's rare. Semen can seep out one orifice and into
another. It doesn't happen a lot, but it does happen.
- The Man
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- I have never tried drugs but I
recently saw a show on acid and LSD. It looks fun but I am
afraid if I try it I will like it too much and won't be able to
stop. Got any advice?
- Jessica, Age 18 from Virginia
Some drugs are okay for some people. I don't drink very often,
but I enjoy smoking pot from time to time. It's a personal
choice and I use it responsibly. I'm not going to tell you that
drugs are bad (in spite of prevailing law in the US). What I
will say is that trying LSD (or acid - same thing) for your very
FIRST drug is bad. It's very, very powerful. Besides which I've
seen people have bad trips and end up in mental hospitals if the
acid is made wrong or if it reacts badly with the person doing
it. I would suggest you try something a little less.... hard.
When you're doing anything for the first time, you don't want to
overdo it, right? Why not walk before you try running? Doing
acid your first time on drugs is like downing 12 tequila shots
your first time drinking. It's a very BAD idea and the chance
that you will not enjoy yourself is tangible.
- The Man
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- What do guys think about the
whole concept of love? Do they even think about it at the age of
13? How do they talk amongst themselves about who they like? I
don't know... You know how people say that girls are more
romantically inclined while guys are just in relationships for
the hell of it...is that really true?
- Michelle, Age 13 from Oregon
You seem wise beyond your years,
young Michelle. Very good question. Most young guys have a split
personality syndrome like Dr. Jekyl/Mr. Hyde (I hope I spelled
those names right). Most of the time they are just after sex,
but when they meet the right girl things change and they become
more relationship oriented. I would expect 100% of the guys at
your age to be after sex, not a relationship. Now remember, guys
will lie, cheat and steal to convince girls they are NOT after
sex. They will seem very sincere. You will definitely want to
believe at least a few of them. You following me so far? They
will make it seem very, very convincing to you. Don't believe
them. The guys that really, really like you for something more
then sex will be more then happy to wait. If they DON'T want to
wait and they dump you, then you'll know for sure they were just
losers and you made the right choice. Get it?
- The Man
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- HI Mr. Man, I've got a problem.
A really big problem. I am a 22 year old man and I'm still a
virgin. My current girlfriend is 17 and she says she is ready
for sex. She thinks I'm experienced. What should I do? If
I tell her that I am still a virgin I am worried that she will
take dump me and tell all our friends. Please help me. THANKS!
- Simon, Age 22 from England
No matter WHAT she's not going to be very experienced at 17, so
I think you can probably get away with faking it. Just pretend
you know what you're doing. By the way, you're 5 years older
then she is. I'd wait until she rounds the 18 year old corner
before you try dipping your stick, if you know what I mean.
- The Man
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- I'm happily engaged to my
boyfriend who I've been with for nearly two years but there's
one problem. He keeps gawking at other women - particularly
those with blonde hair and big tits. Plus he used to download
porn off the net. He says he loves me very much and thinks I'm
gorgeous (which I don't agree with). He says he loves me for me
and doesn't want anyone else but why does he hurt me so much by
doing this?
- Hannah, Age 24 from England
Hannah, this is not a big deal. I'd be more worried if he
STOPPED checking girls out, if you know what I mean. Guys look
at women. That's a law of nature. Even if you tell him to stop
he's just going to do it when he thinks you're not looking and
if you think he won't, then you're just kidding yourself.
Bearing this in mind, I'd say you have two choices: become
involved or become upset. So far you've chosen upset. That's the
bad news. The good news is that it's entirely up to you to
change your perspective on things. Based on your comments, I'd
have to say, by the way, that I think you're a touch insecure.
He thinks you're hot and you disagree. This would certainly
explain why you don't like it when he checks out other women.
You need to get over these feelings and relax. He likes YOU.
- The Man
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- Do you
have any idea how busy The Answer Man is???! If he doesn't have
time to answer your question, you can always get answers in the
"Ask Each Other" forums from other people just like
you. Click
Here
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- If a man a loves a woman and
wants to marry her, why does the man attempt to have affairs
with women other than the woman he says he loves? Is having
affairs an exception to the rule of loving someone? Is it okay?
I just wanted your perspective (a guy's one), on this question
of "LOVE".
- Leigh, Age 26 from Hawaii
Guys love sex. (So what else is new?) Hell, I'd have 10 women if
I thought I could get away with it. (I'm presently accepting
resumes at theman@TheAnswerMan.com
 )
The act of sex is different for guys then it is for girls. Girls
associate sex and relationships as if they are the same thing
while guys associate sex and partying as if they are the same
thing. Guys can love one woman and bang another because love is
more difficult to come by then sex. We don't throw away love, be
we sure like to party. By the way, I think if you make a promise
to someone, you should keep it - and that goes for both sexes.
- The Man
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- I am
42 years old and have been married 12 years to this wonderful
man, but there is someone at my work that I am attracted
to...One day we were alone and he kissed me and I realized how
attracted I was to him sexually. We are both married and don't
plan to divorce. I have been quietly fooling around with this
man for over a year but we have not had sex. I have certainly
tried. We kiss and bump and grind. I have even given him oral
play, but he keeps saying we will have sex soon!!! Can you try
and guess why he hasn't gone to the next step? I am 5'3"
Hispanic, brunette, 125lbs and attractive. What is the problem
and why won't he share some sex with me?
- Alicia, Age 42 from California
I don't know why he won't, but I sure as hell will. 
Actually, sounds like he's feeling a bit guilty. Imagine that...
Either he's feeling guilty or he can smell your yeast infection
from across the room. It's one or the other.
- The Man
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- Hello - I have a question for
you! I am currently in a 2 year relationship with a guy.
Recently I went out with the girls and ended up kissing another
guy. I told my current boyfriend about this, and he doesn't
trust me anymore so now I can't go out with my friends when they
ask because he gets pissed off. What should I do to gain back
his trust? I love him, but I want to know (from a guys
perspective) what shall I do?
- Haley, Age 26 from Australia
Trust is the most expensive "free" thing in the world.
What takes years to gain can be lost in seconds. There's nothing
you can do to regain trust when it's lost but kill time. Time is
trust's only currency. You fucked up. Now you gotta start from
the beginning and convince him it won't happen again.
- The Man
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- I have
an adopted sister (she came in to our family 5 months ago she is
14 I'm 13). For 3 months now we have been masturbating together.
Should I stop?
- Bobby, Age 13 from North Carolina
You're just a couple of young girls experimenting with your
sexuality. That's what young boys and girls do - experiment.
When I was that age I was in a scout group and we did all kinds
of crazy stuff that the rest of the world would find very
strange. Strange, that is, until they think back to when they
were 13 years old and the crazy things they did. I think you
guys are probably okay. Just keep the secret to yourself.
- The Man
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- Listen to The
Man's 10 Minute Internet Talk Show, built for your coffee break.
Click here
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- My boyfriend looks at hardcore
porn on the internet quite frequently. He sometimes masturbates
to it. Is this normal?
- Hollie, Age 30 from Iowa
Wait - are you saying your boyfriend actually looks at PORN on
the INTERNET??!! No way, dude. Really??? That's very, very, very
strange, because NO ONE does that!! He must be some kind
of freak. Next you'll be telling me he actually enjoys looking
at all those nude, beautiful women. You might consider taking
him to a therapist to get checked out before it's too late.
- The Man
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- My boyfriend of 1 year (he's
37) has really, really bad breath. If it doesn't smell like
garlic (he eats it raw), it just smells like rotten food or
something. I think it might be his teeth and he keeps saying
he's going to go to the dentist soon but hasn't. When I give him
a mint he gets really offended and sulks. The other thing is
that he sweats heaps and always has huge sweat marks on his
shirt. He uses deodorant, but it doesn't seem to help much and I
can always smell his body odor. He has also put on a lot of
weight since I met him and is too tired and puffed out to ever
go on top during sex (this is the only position that makes me
orgasm). I love him but I'm just not attracted to him any more.
He's talking marriage and kids, and I'm more than ready to start
a family. What should I do?
- Helen, Age 29 from Australia
I say level with him. You've tried hinting and it's not working.
Right now the stakes are high. You're almost 30 and it would be
a shame to have to start over with a new guy now - especially
without giving him a change to improve things for you both. You
need to take the very difficult step of sitting down with him
and starting a serious conversation with something like,
"Honey, you're a fat slob and we need to talk." He'll
get offended and sulk but you need to drive the point home that
it's very important to you he change. You need to be firm enough
to get his attention. After that you'll be in a much better
position to make decisions about your future.
- The Man
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- Can you loose your virginity by
masturbating?
- Ralph, Age 17 from D.C.
No, not unless your version of masturbating includes a frisky 24
year old love goddess with a sexy name like, say, 'Candice'
covered in Hershey's liquid chocolate and wearing 6 inch heels.
(*Is it warm in here??*) In that case, it would be possible to
lose your virginity masturbating fairly quickly, methinks. (The
real answer is this: virginity is more a state of mind then a
physical act. Losing virginity is more about being with someone
during sex then simply having an orgasm. You can never lose your
virginity by just masturbating. It's really a mental thing.)
- The Man
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- Do guys like women clean when
they go down or...?
- Kelly, Age 18 from Virginia
Or what??! Sweaty and smelly after a 12 hour day shift at
McDonalds in 90 degree heat? Ew! I'll take the clean and shaved
version, thank you.
- The Man
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- Hi, I have a question. I have
been seeing this man (he's 39 years old), since April. We
started out having sex and he has now backed off. We have been
living in the same house for two months now. He says he does not
want a relationship with anyone, but he will ask for blow jobs.
When I ask for something he says no... He told me yesterday that
he loves me but is not in love with me. My question is will he
ever be in love with me? And what is he doing ? What do you
think? Thanks,
- Anne
So let me get this straight. He's living with you
relationship-free. Once in a while he asks for a BJ and you
comply. When you want something he's busy. I think I get it.
You're a live in, guilt free sex toy. Congratulations! You're
every man's dream. Where can I get one??? Hell, he's
probably saving all kinds of money not taking you out to dinners
since you live together. I think it might just be time to move
on and stop kidding yourself about his intentions.
- The Man
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- Hi Answer man. I am 18 and on
the verge of a college life after my senior year. I am undecided
on what I want to do and where I want to go, but I know I can
get this great job where they pay for everything in college
(books, courses, everything, as long as I keep a "B"
average in my courses). The catch is I have to take the courses
they want me to take and learn what they want me to learn to
come back to the company after college and work in that
occupation for at least ten years. The job is most promising and
beneficial to me and it sounds great. I'll get 18 vacation days,
unlimited sick days (all with pay), a laptop so can work from
home, a company car, all insurances fully paid, and a huge pay
check. Should I just let this medical company decide my future
(even though the deal sounds great), or try to make it myself,
with no actual 10 year planned future?
- Nick, Age 18 from Indiana
The deal sounds sweet. I'd consider it very seriously. On the
other hand, there may be other deals out there and you could use
this offer to get some leverage elsewhere. Do you have an offer
letter in writing? If it's not in writing then it doesn't really
exist. Also, 10 years is a really long time. It's borderline
unreasonable. You might try and negotiate it to to 4 or 5 years.
If you can get the term to 5 years I'd say jump on it for sure.
If not, then you'll have a difficult decision because if you
decide you hate it after a year or 2 you're really fucked. It
sounds like they will really take care of you and 3 weeks paid
vacation per year is much better then the US average. I'd
concentrate on negotiating a shorter, more reasonable term. If
they don't back down, I'd probably still take the deal
(assuming nothing else comes up) but at least you gave it a try.
- The Man
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- How can I get back into
dating? I am 55, and just don't know how it works anymore.
- Annalisa, Age 55 from Kansas
It's not that hard. Guys your age are so much more mellow then
20 year olds. I'd suggest you go the 'activity' route. Find some
singles groups that actually do stuff like go on short hikes or
have social events. Then just go there and hang out. You'll meet
people naturally, and the rules haven't changed. All those guys
were 20 when you were 20. You're going to have a lot in common
with them, including your sense of what dating is supposed to be
like.
- The Man
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