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--- Advice Column for October, 2003 ---
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I am a woman who is 52 years old, but look 35 to 40. I am
educated and successful professionally. I've been divorced three
years now and been looking for a life's partner. My marriage of
18 years was very unsatisfactory in a romantic, emotional, and
financial sense. I have been dating and otherwise out there
looking for someone I can love and who can love me. Problem
seems to be I am only attracted to men who are 15 to 25 years
younger than me. The ones my age look so old, they have no
energy, no get up and go. They also do not share many of my
interests such as computers and role playing games. And the sex,
forget it, they are unable to give me even half of what I want.
I often lie about my age so I can get close to younger men.
Several who knew my age seemed OK with it, were attracted to me
anyways. Is it wrong for me to desire younger men? Do you think
it is possible for me to find happiness with one?
- Chris, Age 52 from TexasYounger is more attractive.
Welcome to planet Earth. If you can get a younger man to go out
with you, then go for it. Older men have been doing it to young
women for eons. There aren't that many guys that will date a
woman your age, but you're not exactly a child molester if you
find one. If a 25 year old guy decides you're okay to fool
around with once in a while, then I certainly don't see the
harm. That being said, I'd be surprised if you find any
happiness. Guys in their 20s and 30s don't generally look for 52
year old women life partners. You're too old for children and
most of them would never even consider introducing you to any of
their friends. (Sorry - I call it like it is, sister.) Mostly
I'd expect them to be after a quick bang (or several) and then
back to reality. If you're okay with the one night stands and/or
short, meaningless relationships then more power to you. Go curl
your toes.
- The Man
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How can I tell if a girl likes me? I'm married and she knows
I'm married. She has a boyfriend
- Nick, Age 22 from FloridaI get questions like this all
the time. Truthfully, Nick, I feel as if I'd be helping someone
commit a crime by helping you out. You're MARRIED. Doesn't that
mean anything to you? Perhaps you shouldn't have been in such a
rush to the alter. Did she nag you into it or were you the
irresponsible one? Concerning your issue, I say go for it.
Stupid people who cheat deserve healthy doses of humility to get
their asses calibrated and back in line. Make a pass at this
chick so she can tell your wife what a jackass you are.
- The Man
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I am a dating one of my very close friends. We've been
friends for a very long time, and I want to know how I should
act differently towards her now that she's my girlfriend and not
"just" a friend anymore. Anything from the obvious
stuff to the complicated material will be greatly appreciated.
Thank you.
- Stefan, Age 23 from Massachusetts
The nice thing about going out with someone you are friends
with is that you're basically not going to change much. Just get
used to it and it will seem more and more natural. Give it time.
I would probably do a couple of things that you probably didn't
used to do, however. Make sure to remember her birthday with
something special. Also, flowers (or something nice like that)
once in a while is never a bad move.
- The Man
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- How can I tell if my boyfriend is ready for marriage?
Lately he has been taking my ring off of my ring finger (on my
right hand) and putting it back on, but he will hum the song
played at weddings while doing this. Is this a sign he's
serious?
- Ann, Age 23 from Pennsylvania
What's the rush? You're 23 and you don't even have enough
communication skills to know where your boyfriend is coming
from. Did you read about Nick a couple of question above this
one??! Suppose your man actually says he's ready? Then you're
going to get married, whether he's truly ready or not (and
whether you're truly ready or not) just to end up divorced when
he starts banging some other girl in a year or two. Here's a
thought: Wait until you're really ready. Learn
patience, understanding, tolerance, confidence, etc. Then when
you get married, you'll STAY married. If you're wondering if his
little play thing with your ring is a 'sign' and that's going to
be your big clue, then you still have a lot to learn about
communication in a successful relationship - and if it is, then
so does he.
- The Man
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- When and how will the world end?
- Dazzis, Age 26 from New YorkIf I had a nickel from
everyone who has asked me this question, I'd have a nickel or
so. What do you mean by 'the world', and what do you mean by
'end'? Do you mean civilization? I have a few theories. The
first is when some new biohazard materializes. Bugs like SARS
can happen at any time, and if one of them is bad enough and
mean enough, it could wipe out a lot of people - maybe even most
people (small groups in remote areas would probably survive even
the deadliest of bugs). In fact, I remember reading one
prediction that SARS could have infected 1 billion people world
wide within 6 months if it wasn't contained. Now SARS only had a
small mortality rate but that's still hundreds of millions of
dead when you're talking about a billion people. If the next
'SARS type illness' is actually worse then SARS, then who knows
what will happen. Also there's the possibility of getting hit by
a large rock from outer space. I've read about 1 or 2 big rocks
headed in our general direction within the next 30 years,
although the chances they will hit the Earth are considered
remote by scientists. I think one of them is in 2030 or so. Mark
your calendar. Religiously speaking, there certainly won't be
any kind of divine Armageddon. There is no god, and every time
people predict the end is near, dates come and go and everyone
goes back to work on Monday. I also don't think Nuclear war will
end things. That would take a lot of bombs, and since the USSR
fell apart in 1991 we don't have any enemies with that many big
explosives anymore. Even China only a small few as a deterrent.
Terrorists might get one or two, but not hundreds it would
require to destroy Western civilization and kill everyone.
- The Man
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I'm 26 years old and about 6 months ago I started talking to
an older man (he's 43). I have really strong feelings for him
and he says he has the same for me but when it comes to sex or
kissing or anything like that he won't do it.... I guess what
I'm asking is, how can he say he loves me if he won't have sex
with me? What's wrong with him?
- Lady, Age 26 from North CarolinaThis could be any
number of things. Some guys his age can't get it up any more.
That's really embarrassing to a guy. Most guys remember having
hard-ons that lasted weeks when they were 18 only to be
frustrated and embarrassed at times during their 30s when
someone needed to use it and it wasn't performing well. This guy
might also have some kind of mental issues going on. Some people
simply don't like physical intimacy. You should ask him about
that - or simply keep your ear to the ground. If he's not going
to be able to satisfy you, then you should considered that when
evaluating your relationship. Also, he might be damaged from
some previous relationship. I've seen that a lot. When people
get hurt by loved ones who dump them or cheat on them (or
whatnot) it can have lasting effects that only come out during
certain situations, such as intimacy. Frankly, there's no way to
tell. I advise you to try and have candid conversations about
his lack of interest. In a good and lasting relationship, he'll
be able to be truthful with you about whatever roadblocks he's
facing. Then you can decide what to do next.
- The Man
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