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--- Advice Column from Sept, 2002 ---
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- I'm a girl that has
had a promiscuous past, but I consider myself to be a
good person and great girlfriend material. I recently
slept
with a guy who had heard about some of my past
"experiences". During our third
"session" he stopped right when we were
getting hot and heavy and used my sexual history as a
reason not to continue. I really like the guy, but
should I even bother to explain myself to him? I don't
think he'll ever respect me.
- Jo Ella, Age 20 from Oklahoma
First of all, he sounds like a jerk. Everyone has past
experiences. You didn't know him then and you don't have
to answer to him. What kind of an asshole would pull
crap like that. He's probably insecure himself. I
suggest you dump his dumb ass. Maybe next time he'll
learn not to play stupid, meaningless games. The biggest
irony of all is that now he's losing out. Frankly, he
didn't think this through at all. You know what I mean?
If you're not going to be with a girl, why show up and
start fooling around. If you are going to be with
someone, what's the point of pulling crap like that. As
I said, I suggest you find someone a little more
together.
- The Man
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- I heard that if a guy
starts working out (especially his abs) it will cause
his penis to get smaller. is this true?
- Jaimie, Age 16 from Connecticut
I sure as shit hope not! I've been working on my stomach
for a while. :) I'm going to have to get the ruler out,
but it's only a yard stick so unless I get something a
little longer, I'll never know for sure.
- The Man
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- I've made out before
but hitting a homerun has always been my dream. I want
to at least do oral sex pretty soon but the one thing
that is stopping me (for oral at least) are STD's. How
can you stop them and do you think 16 is a good age at
least to try oral sex?
- Jaba, Age 16 from South Africa
I think sex is best experienced when you're old enough
to handle the consequences. In other words, you're not
ready. If you really want to have sex (and you have
someone who's willing to do it with you) then the best
way is to understand all the risks. In other words, you
owe it yourself to do some research. You can find all
the information you want on the Internet with just a
little effort. There are hundreds and hundreds of
articles explaining everything you should know. I
suggest you spend some time reading about STDs,
pregnancy and the proper use of condoms. When you
understand everything, you'll be in a much WISER
position to make INFORMED decisions. I appreciate that
you were hoping I'd answer everything, but truthfully,
there's a lot of info out there. You're going to need to
do some reading on your own.
- The Man
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- At my best friends
wedding, I hooked up with the bride's cousin. She was
very unattractive and overweight. The problem is
everyone a shit load of people know it happened (both families, high school
and college friends). I know I have lost a lot
of respect with them. I also have not given the girl a
call even though she was overly nice. The Man, I wish I
didn't order doubles all night. Please tell me how I can
get some respect back because they are all ripping' on
me.
- Leandro, Age 25 from New York
Tough break, Leandro. You did the crime, now you have to
do the time. Here's the deal: When you're young,
anything warm, wet and breathing is a candidate for sex.
Alcohol is certainly no help at all. As you progress in
life, you begin to learn the fine art of forethought.
You gain the power of 'anticipation'. The next time
you're in this situation, you'll think twice. I had to
laugh at your question because not 1 week ago I was
presented with an... opportunity. A friend's sister. The
verdict? I passed, of course. The alternative would have
been similar to your situation except that my friend's
sister is a babe, but that's not the point. The point
is, there are a thousand reasons why sex is a dangerous
tool, even when you're old enough to do it responsibly.
Being 25 years old isn't enough. It's WISDOM that
matters most at the end of the day. Now you have
some.
- The Man
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- I have not found my soul mate
- or
we haven't found each other yet. I was reading advice on
finding him and one of the things it said was: make sure
you don't have bad breath, body odor, etc. Well I smoke
and guess I do get bad breath. Would this really turn
off my soul mate? I look at couples and see they smoke
or one of them does and yet they have a partner. Would
this really stop my soul mate from coming to me? Could
you please help me with this?
- Michi, Age 35 from Australia
No, not all of them. On the other hand, I met a nice
girl recently. She's smart, sexy and very pretty. She's
also European, which is a huge plus (because I find most
Americans lacking an understanding of world affairs and
that's a big turn off for me). She came on to me, which
is also a big plus, but she was a smoker. I could never
go out with a smoker, so I let her know we have to just
be friends. Perhaps it was shallow, but I don't enjoy
kissing someone when they smell like an ashtray. I just
can't do it. What can I say? Now, just to be fair, there
were other issues that I found to be a turn off, and I'm
an EXTREMELY picky guy when it comes to women (hence my
single status) but the cigarettes precluded any
possibility of a deal. So, I don't think you're up the
creak without a paddle, as there are TONS of guy smokers
in Oz (by the way "Oz" is Australian for
Australia for all you US people lacking an understanding
of world affairs) but you'd probably improve your
chances by quitting.
- The Man
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- Do you
have any idea how busy The Answer Man is??! If he
doesn't have time to answer your question, you can
always get (and give) answers in the public forums from
people just like you. Click here if you want to check them out.
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- Hey. I just recently
started seeing and ex again but we're taking things
slow. There's also another guy that I'd like to get to
know a little better. Normally, I wouldn't tell either
about the other since it's just dating - not a relationship (hell,
I'm only twenty). My question is, because of the
history, should I tell my ex about the other guy? (We
had dated for about 2 years and were apart for 6
months.) Thanks.
- Catherine, Age 20 from Canada
I don't think it would server any purpose. When it's
time to make a formal decision, you should probably lose
one of the two, but until then it's no one's business
but your own. I understand the temptation to spill the
beans, but what would be the point, except to make this
guy jealous, angry, and perhaps scarce. In other words,
you'd be gaining nothing while at the same time you'd be
risking everything with your ex. There are some things
you don't need to tell your man. One of them is that
you're interested in someone else - unless you're trying
to end the relationship. Even then, there are better
ways to do that.
- The Man
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Question
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- How normal is it for
a man to watch porn consistently, even though he's
living with a woman who is attractive, and open sexually
to anything he desires.
- Stella, Age 32 from New Jersey
If you're open sexually to anything he desires, wouldn't
that include watching porn with him? At any rate, to
answer your question, there's no such thing as 'normal'
when it comes to sex. Only varying degrees of
acceptability, which is itself a sliding scale. In other
words, if you're okay watching porn with him, then by
definition it's okay and acceptable for your
relationship. You need to clarify - to yourself and your
man - the borders of acceptability between you two,
recognizing of course that these borders may change over
time. Once you both know what's okay, it will be easier
to evaluate deviations and decide what to do about
them.
- The Man
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Question
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- My boyfriend came
home tonight after work and starting yelling at me
because I sit on the bed and don't do anything around
the house . He said that when he asks me to do something, all
I do is piss and moan. So what are
some things I can do to be more active so he notices?
- Melissa, Age 18 from Wisconsin
I don't know if your activity level is the problem
or not, frankly. Cleaning up the house and doing the
dishes don't make you a better girlfriend and they don't
heal the relationship. All they do is make you resentful
that you do all his chores and he still yells at you.
Perhaps the problem really is that your lazy and that
you're not handing your end of the bargain and if that's
true, then you need to motivate yourself to carry your
load. On the other hand, perhaps you're with the wrong
guy and he's just lashing out at whatever simply because
he's unhappy. Either could be true. You might try
talking things out with him. If you make some changes to
accommodate him only to find he's still a jerk, then you
might consider moving on. You're only 18, after all, and
that's often too young for a life-long
relationship.
- The Man
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Question
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- My best friend moved
away about 4 months ago. I have been e-mailing him for
about 3 months and he hasn't written me back yet. Is he
just busy because it's summer, or does he just not want
to have anything to do with me anymore? I really miss
him. What should I do? Please write back soon, I'm
desperate!
- Vanna, Age 14 from Texas
Vanna, here's some wisdom for you. If someone wants to
get a hold of you, they will find a way. When I was
younger there were definitely women I was interested in
that did NOT share my feelings (don't tell anyone I told
you that - I have a reputation to keep up). These women
would come up with excuses for why they didn't call when
they said they would. They would say things like "I
was busy" or "I was sick all weekend" or
"I couldn't call because my parents died in a car
crash" and I'd believe them because I wanted to
give them the benefit of the doubt. You know what? I was
a fool. I just didn't know any better, so hopefully my
experience will save you some grief in life. I'll say it
again - I've learned that if someone wants to get a hold
of you, they will. That's all. They might give you
excuses, reasons, plausible stories, whatever, but if
they really cared about contacting you, they would have
found a way. It's not hard to get a message out when you
really want to. If don't hear from him for a day or two,
that's one thing, but all summer? He's got better things
to do, evidently. Time for you to move on.
- The Man
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- I just had a new neighbor move in
across the street not that long ago. Its a guy and he is
probably in his early thirties. Well, I'm a
teenager. I noticed that when he moved in, every time I
was outside, he was outside. Then I caught him looking
at me a lot. To make a long story short, its gotten
worse and worse. EVERY single time I am out there he is
too, looking out at me. He has a porch with windows, and
when the sun hits it I can see inside. He doesn't know
that I can see him staring at me. When I lay out to tan
and stuff he is out there washing his truck, or watering
the tree in his yard, even if he did it the day before. The
little girl across the street plays with my little
brother and she says he told her that he loved me and
that he was going to marry me. What should I do? I am
really desperate, thanks!
- Marie from Indiana
Time to talk to your parents about it, Marie. The best
thing that can happen is that he needs be made aware
that you're on to him. You may be in actual danger.
Hopefully you're not, but it can't hurt to make sure -
especially if the little girl across the street was
telling the truth. This man needs to be confronted by
someone so that he knows people are aware of his
activities. Most likely he'll leave you alone after
that. Also, I suggest you don't lie out in the front
yard if you have a peeping-tom neighbor. That's just
stupid.
- The Man
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- My question is that if a 14
year old girl is sexually
active with a 15 year old guy, willingly, could
that be considered rape?
- Ashley, Age 14 from California
It could certainly be
considered stupidity. You'd need to find out from local
law enforcement if it's rape, however.
- The Man
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Question
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- I am in love with a
girl, who is our family friend. I know pretty much that
she loves me too, but she is one year older than me.
Will there be any problem after marriage for me
and for her because she's older then me? If there is no sign of problem than tell me
how should I propose to her? I have tried so many
times and I have failed. Last night she refused to take a love
letter from me. Thank you.
- Ali, Age 18 from Pennsylvania
Ali, I hate to break this to you, but it sounds like she
doesn't like you sexually. Are you sure she's not just a
'friend'?. It's easy to get confused when you're only
18. Hell, I know 30 year old guys that STILL think women
like them just because they are nice to them. I
appreciate that you think she does love you, but if she
did, wouldn't she be more forthcoming? I really think
you need to ask her how she feels about you. You can't
assume she loves you just because you've known her for a
long time. Lots of girls are nice to guys but that
doesn't mean they love them. It just means they are nice
to them. Good luck.
- The Man
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- Want to
book The Answer Man along with the Brian Cline Band to
perform at your special event? Click here.
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- I'm a 52 year old woman seeing a 38 year old
man. The problem is he
can't have an orgasm unless he has oral sex or anal sex.
I however, because of something that happened to me as a
child, cannot give oral sex. I can lick, kiss and play
with a penis, I just can't put the whole thing in my
mouth and suck. He says that it's a generation thing but
I
say these things have been around for ever. I've had other boyfriends that loved regular
intercourse, of course with foreplay, and the sex was
great with them. I consider myself a very passionate
woman, I love the feel of a penis inside of me, and
enjoy pleasing my man, but I'm feeling less of a woman
with this guy, I feel him very much, but I guess I'm not
tight enough for him. As far as anal sex goes I've had
it done to me before and it was to painful and so that
is out for me. I think this relationship is going
nowhere. He told me that this is what all men
want but I disagree. My other boyfriends were 40 and 41
year olds. What should I do?
- Mary, Age 52 from New Jersey
Well, he sounds like he's not going to be satisfied with
you. What can you do? If he's not cool with regular sex
then someone is going to be frustrated. If you like him,
stick it out for a while and see what happens, but stand
your ground. You need to calibrate this guy into
understand what's acceptable with you and what's not.
Once he understands your boundaries, he'll be able to
make a decision about your future as a couple.
- The Man
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- Why is a man that
seems so totally truthful about every aspect of his life
so dumbfounded when asked how he feels about me. He
knows I love him and I know he cares about me but he
can't bring himself to say so. What is it with men and commitment? I don't want
to marry him, but I would like to know where I stand...
I'm, not a mind reader!
- Jamie from Colorado
Some men just love the thought of freedom, even when
they don't have it. I'd rather live with a girl for the
rest of my life as boyfriend/girlfriend then get
married. I wouldn't have the freedom a of a single guy
if I truly spend my life with someone, but I'd feel like
I did. Telling someone you love them is like handing
someone a ball and chain attached to your ankle. Some
guys don't mind, while others are terrified of it.
Personally, I'd fall into the latter. Mainly because
I've been single far more often then I've been someone's
boyfriend. It's going to be a real change for me to
admit that I'm 'taken' when that eventually happens.
It's not something I'm going to say lightly. In a way,
some lucky woman out there might not even realize how
big a deal it would be for me to say those 3 magic
words. I damn well hope she appreciates it. Perhaps you
might wait a bit longer. When he does finally say it,
you'll be happy to know it probably means something
real.
- The Man
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Question
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- I'm embarrassed but
I'll ask... When you get a girl pregnant, You cum in her
pussy, but if you always wear a condom the cum wont get
in the girls pussy because it goes into the condom. So
how do you have a baby. Do u wear a condom?
- Max, Age 18 from Texas
Max, you should probably wear a condom for the rest of
your life. Some people shouldn't breed. Thanks for
asking.
- The Man
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- Why do men always
seem to have blonde girlfriends? All the white brunettes
& ethnic women seem to get passed over for blondes.
Why did guys prefer blondes?
- Linda, Age 32 from Canada
First of all, guys date anything with a pulse. If
you're bitter about blondes, it's probably because of
some bad luck that you've found yourself in over time.
Now that that's out of the way, lets think about this
for a moment. People are like animals. We love to
demonstrate our prowess in order to get a mate. Peacocks
are good example that most people are familiar with. The
bigger and better the plumage, the more attractive they
are to the opposite sex. People are no different. In
stead of feathers, men use cars to attract women. We men
also use money, muscles, jewelry, music, alcohol (a
favorite of most men) and 100 other things. Women use
boobs, hair, tans, skimpy clothes, makeup and 100 other
things as well. In today's Western society, having blond
hair is sort of like saying, "hey, I'm sexy and I
want you to notice". (If you're reading this and
you're a natural blonde then the preceding statement may
or may not apply to you.) Men, on a primal level,
understand these sign even if most are too stupid to
recognize them. Personally I tend to avoid women with
fake boob and bleached blonde hair as I find it a real
warning sign but when I was younger it was more like a
vacancy sign then any kind of a warning. Get it?
- The Man
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