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--- Advice Column for August, 2002 ---
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- I'm a 41 year old
hard-bodied woman and have a 27 year old boyfriend. He
is very sweet, loving and considerate with me and visits
me every day. He has a close friend he calls his
brother. We decided to have a threesome and I found out
that my boyfriends fantasy was to give his friend oral
sex while I did same to him. It shocked me at first, but
I am open to experiment. Does this mean my guy is
bisexual? He is very sweet to his friend, could he be in
love with him too?
- Yvette, Age 41 from Puerto Rico
First of all, if your man
wants to suck on a penis, he's bi. End of story.
Straight men don't suck on penises. Straight men don't
even joke about sucking on penises. They don't even joke
about joking about sucking on a penis. Get my drift? If
you want to know his true feelings about his friend, I
suggest you just ask him. He'll probably tell you.
- The Man
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- While I was having sex with my
boyfriend the condom broke. Now I'm pregnant and I'm
scared to death to tell my mom. Should I tell her I was
raped? No one will get hurt this way
- Maria, Age 16 from Florida
Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to
deceive (or something like that). Maria, you had sex and
you fucked up. You better own up to it before you get
yourself in deeper and deeper. Besides the fact that lying
is wrong, saying you got raped has all kinds of unintended
consequences that you've never stopped to consider. First
of all, that gets the police involved, and they are pretty
darn good at figuring our what really happened. There's no
way you're going to convince a police detective you were
raped if it never happened. Secondly, you'll never be able
to get any money from the father if you lie and you don't
get caught. He's got responsibility for the baby and
you're letting him off the hook by lying. Besides, how's
it going to look when and if he decides he wants to be the
baby's father some day. There's a hundred other reasons
you should just tell the truth. Other then being too young
for sex, you followed the rules. You had a condom and it
broke. It's terrible, but these things do happen. By the
way, I strongly suggest an abortion.
- The Man
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- I have one simple
question for you, if you don't mind answering it for me.
I just want to know approximately how many guys enjoy
having their balls sucked on? What's the percentage? And
if they shave everything, can that possibly mean they
would like it done and enjoy it? Thank you.
- Emily, Age 20 from Kentucky
Percentage? You think I walk around with a clip board
asking guys if they like getting tea bagged? ahhhh...
No. That's the bad news. The good news is that the
answer is simple. We all like it. ESPECIALLY those of us
who shave our balls. Trust me on this. If he's taking
the trouble to mow the lawn, then he's not going to mind
if you water it.
- The Man
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- Do you
have any idea how busy The Answer Man is??! If he
doesn't have time to answer your question, you can
always get (and give) answers in the public forums from
people just like you. Click here if you want to check them out.
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- Since
prostitution is illegal in Los Angeles County,
California, where can a man go to get laid?
- Jacob, Age 25 from California
Las Vegas. LA is about as
close as you can get without actually living there.
You're 25. If you're that hard up, drive or hop on a
bus. (Don't actually hop WHILE you're on the bus or you
might not make it.) By the way, do you know the
difference between free sex and sex with a prostitute?
Free sex is way more expensive. (Ladies, if you don't
get that joke, ask your man to explain it to you.) I'd
suggest you stay away from prostitutes. Most of them are
just nasty. Frankly I wouldn't even bang one with your
dick. If you really want to get laid, do what all the
other hard up guys do. Go hang out at your local, white
trash neighborhood bar and look for the 40 year old, sun
dried, ex-bartender woman thing drinking shots of Jaeger
in between cans of Coors Light. She's waiting for you,
pal. Make sure you go to her place and not the other way
around.
- The Man
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- I have been
married for 4 years and have a 1 year old boy, but I am
in love with my husbands friend. I have known his friend
for 5 years and the more I see him the more I like him.
I think he likes me too, but he would never say
anything. I'm am going MAD, what should I do?
- Lisa, Age 26 from California
Ummm... How about
NOTHING! Don't vows mean anything anymore? This is
really amazing to me. Any time you women get an itch
(men too, of course) you just think it's okay to go off
and start humping the first interest that comes along as
if you're young, single and unfettered. Where did it
become okay to just brush aside all semblance of
responsibility any time we feel like having an orgasm?
Good lord. Deal with it. Take a cold shower. Bang your
husband more often. Be a gentlewoman.
- The Man
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- Recently my
boyfriend asked me to ride his face. I'm not exactly
sure what that means would you explain it to me?
- Cassie, Age 17 from New Mexico
Sure thing Cassie. He's
talking about that game you played when you were kids.
He pretends he's a horse you're the cowboy (or in this
case, cowgirl). There's a couple of minor differences,
however. No big deal. First, you straddle his face
instead of riding him like a traditional horse. That
method of riding comes from Ancient Italy, but that's
another story... The other difference is that you're
buck naked. Make sure to have a good shower before (and
after).
- The Man
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- Man I have a very
serious problem. I am 24 years old and I have three
kids. I had my first kid when I was sixteen. I feel like
I have been a mother forever and to be honest with you I
am tired of being a mother. I don't really get any help
with them or any brakes. I really don't want them
anymore but I can't give them up only for fear on how my
family and society would look at me. What should I do?
Is this something I will get over because I am really
getting mentally depressed?
- Paige, Age 24 from Maryland
I suggest you try counseling
first, of course. There are people that can help you
cope with your problems in ways you might not have
considered or weren't even aware of. Try that for a
while and see how things go. Then you can re-evaluate.
I'd consider adoption, but only as a last resort. By the
way, you could do some good in this world if you went
around to high schools and talked to you groups of young
girls about the problems they will have in life if they
are stupid enough to have sex at a young age and then
get pregnant. Why not try turning your bad situation
into something positive? It's just a change in attitude.
You might also find that some of the people you're
helping, help you back in return... Good luck.
- The Man
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- If you
use a vibrator before your first sexual experience will
it make it less painful with a "real man"?
- Candace, Age 18 from New York
I suppose it depends on
the vibrator and what you do with it. If it's 2 inches
thick, 1 foot long and buried so deep inside you that
you feel pressure on the roof of your mouth, then I
imagine that not only will you not be in pain when you
first have sex, but you won't even know the guy is in.
- The Man
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- Want to
book The Answer Man along with the Brian Cline Band to
perform at your special event? Click here
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- I have this
debate over something I heard with my wife. I heard that
when a woman is pregnant and she swallows my cum it is
good for our baby? Is this possible? It's the first time
I heard this, so I just wanted to get the story
straight. And also if it is true, what quantity is good
for our baby?
- Chris, Age 28 from Massachusetts
I've heard two quarts a
day is the right amount for a woman in the first
trimester, but she can cut back to one quart after that.
You can get a special pump at the store that will help
you and you should keep in refrigerated if she's not
ready to drink it down when you're done milking. I
suggest you get a lot of rest. You'll need to masturbate
about 17 times daily. Also, sperm banks sometimes sell
gallons of it. I suggest you only visit reputable sperm
banks. It makes a difference if the donor was smart or
dumb. I suggest you only give your wife (and baby) smart
sperm to drink. Good luck!
- The Man
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Question
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- Can you be in
love at age 15
- Jenn, Age 15
Sure, why not. That
doesn't mean you won't be OUT OF LOVE next month and it
certainly doesn't mean that it's okay to do stupid
things like have sex at your age. It just means you care
deeply and passionately for someone. Love is NOT and
should not be an excuse for stupidity, although a
majority of people seem to think that's the way things
are. It's okay to be in love at age 15. It's NOT okay to
be stupid about it.
- The Man
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- Hey man. I'm a
horny teenager and I was just wondering if you know of
any household products I could use as a fake vagina.
Thanks.
- Mike, Age 16 from Canada
I appreciate your
honesty, but I'm fresh out of ideas for a fake vagina.
The few things I tried when I was 15 didn't really work
out. As a matter of fact, man has been hunting for an
object that could act as a fake vagina for as long as
women have been coming up with lame excuses to not have
meaningless, gratuitous sex with us. It's been a mystery
of science for thousands of years. Someone really ought
to write a paper on topic... I'd call it "The
Complete World History of Mankind's Failed Quest for the
Elusive Fake Vagina" or something like that. It
would be a best seller, I'm sure. By the way, if you
want to get rich, come up with the first practical,
manufacturable, cost effective fake vagina (that
actually feels like a real vagina) and you'll make Bill
Gates look like poor man.
- The Man
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- I'm 16 and I
currently weigh 210. For a few years now I've had
"man boobs" that, as sad as it may sound, are
as big or bigger than a lot of the girls in my high
school. About a week ago I started walking 30 minutes a
day with 200 crunches at night. Along with that I don't
eat much (I don't eat hardly anything because I'm not
usually hungry), but when I do eat, it's nothing really
sweet or fattening... Over the past few weeks I've
started considering diabetes as the source of my
problems... Do you think diabetes (which happens to run
in my mom's side of the family) could cause me to be
overweight even though I don't have much of an appetite?
Or could the diabetes even be the cause of my lack of
appetite?
- Matt, Age 16 from Georgia
Any doctor will tell you
diet and exercise can help people like you. I suggest
you go see a doctor to make sure nothing else is going
on. Diabetes is serious and you should get checked out ASAP. Also, it's great that you're working out. You'll
need a system to keep it up. I suggest you try a lot of
different exercises until you find one or several you
really like. With me, variety is what keeps me active.
Some people choose to run, other rollerblade and others
do things like rowing or using a Stairmaster. I have
found that having a number of things available to me
means I can just pick the one I'd like to do when it's
time to exercise. See that doctor, and good luck.
- The Man
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