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--- Advice Column for May, 2003 ---
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- I've been with my boyfriend for 9 months now and we live
together. Throughout the relationship, I have caught him lying
about things I wouldn't have gotten mad about (never regarding
cheating). As a result, I don't trust him and wonder if I will
or should ever trust him again. Also, he constantly talks of
marriage and children, so do you think things will change or
should I reconsider marrying this man?
- Sara, Age 24 from Florida
Lying is lying is lying. If someone feels they need to change
the truth for your benefit then they simply can't be trusted.
How could you ever know if they are telling you the truth in the
future? One lie is very serious. I'm not saying a relationship
should end after one lie, but certainly you two should have a
serious talk. On the other hand, many lies is an entirely
different situation. I believe that someone who feels they need
to lie OFTEN is not worth the effort. Trust is one of the most
fundamental building blocks of your relationship. How could you
have any kind of a successful life with someone who's missing
such a basic concept? You'll be doubting everything he says for
the rest of your life. Just imagine your stress level when he
does something completely innocent like comes home an hour or
two later from work. You'll never know if he was REALLY working
late... Know what I mean? I'd say it's better to find someone
that understands how to important trust really is.
- The Man
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- My best friend broke up with her boyfriend about 4 months
ago. She told me that she was over him, but I don't think that
she is. Now her ex-boyfriend and I (who have been talking for a
while) have begun seeing each other, but secretly. I don't like
the whole secret thing but I don't want to hurt my friend. What
should I do?
- Brooke, Age 15 from South Carolina
Welcome to the world of "all's fair in love and
war" Brooke. Lesson 1: Friends are seldom really
"over it", especially if even YOU don't think they
are. Lesson 2: Friends get really irritated when you
sneak around dating their X's. Lesson 3: Friends ALWAYS
find out sooner or later. Lesson 4: Re-read Lesson 3 over
and over until it sinks in.
I suggest you call your pal and tell her you're attracted to
this guy. Then at least it won't be a big surprise when she
finds out who's face he's been sucking on recently.
- The Man
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- Does the type of food you eat affect the way you may taste
to the opposite sex? I have heard before that the way a man's
semen tastes depends on the food he has been eating. If he eats
a lot of fruit it may taste sweet, whereas if he drinks a lot of
coffee it may be bitter. Is that factual?
- Kenni, Age 23 from New Jersey
Personally speaking, I like to prepare specific cuisine for
my self depending on which one of my "team members"
might be dropping by. Emily, for instance, is Italian, so for
her I eat a lot of garlic and olives. Gives me a nice Sicilian
flavor (so I'm told). On the other hand, my favorite food is
peanut butter so I usually ask if they like the taste of peanuts
on a first date... You know - just to weed out the obvious ones.
You realize I'm kidding of course. the real answer is that the
taste can be influenced, but it's more of a minor change then a
major difference. I've had women write to me commenting on the
taste from time to time. Some women hate it, others love it. I
think the taste is far less important then the woman's 'disgust
level'. You could live off strawberries for a month and it
wouldn't matter a damn bit to a woman who was simply disgusted
by the fact there was cum in her mouth.
- The Man
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- My mom judges all me friends way to much. I have this one
friend that she thinks is a bad influence just because of the
way her family is. My mom doesn't believe me when I try and tell
her she has the wrong idea about my friend. My mom is always
telling me to not hang out with her. What can I do or say to
convince my mom that my friend is not a bad person???
- Kristin, Age 16 from New Mexico
Sometimes moms see things about people that kids don't see.
Give your mom some credit. After all, she's been around a long
time and has had opportunities to make mistakes in life that you
haven't even dreamed about. Instead of trying to convince your
mom that your friend is not a bad person, why not try sitting
down with your mom and asking her why she feels that way?
Perhaps you'll learn something about life you didn't know. Also,
if your friend really isn't a bad person, then that would be a
good time to discuss it with your mom to help her understand why
she might be wrong. With any luck, you and she will have a
better mutual understanding of your relationship with this
person.
- The Man
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- I had somebody that REALLY cared for me deeply, and I
ruined it. I took sexual advantage of her, and now she is very
upset with me. How do I make this up to her, or do I owe her
anything now that I've moved on?
- JP, Age 42 from Arkansas
I don't think there's a way to repair this type of thing.
Rightly or wrongly, people take sex very seriously. As you
probably know at the ripe old age of 42, sex changes things.
Often times people don't have any control over their emotions.
If you abused this person sexually I'd have to say there's
probably very little chance that she'll want to be buddies like
you were before.
- The Man
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- I have been straight all my life, but have recently met
someone of the same sex that I am incredibly attracted to. My
husband knows and is supportive of my exploration, but is this
too dangerous to mess with?
- Jane, Age 39 from Tennessee
So your husband's been supportive, eh? How supportive? Was he
jumping up and down on the bed screaming "sweet Jesus,
there is a Santa Claus" or what? Lots of guys LOVE the idea
of having 2 women and he's probably thinking along those same
lines. I know I did - until I finally went out with a girl that
was interested in other women. Boy was I excited - until she
found one in a bar and started making out with her. Then I
wasn't so excited. For one thing, I felt kind of left out. Then
I realized that I didn't really care for the slutty girl she was
making out with... Finally I realized that the STD factor in my
life was about to red line since I had no idea who this slutty
new girl was. There were also other issues that came up, but you
get the idea. Overall I'd have to say that if you feel
comfortable and want to try something new (after all, you're not
getting any younger) then go it. Have fun. Just bear in mind
that there are risks associated with everything. I'm not telling
you not to do it.... It might be a great thing for you and your
husband. I'm just saying that it's better to go in with eyes
open. Make sure your husband is okay with ALL aspects and not
just the lure of having another play thing in the bedroom.
- The Man
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