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--- Advice Column for Jan, 2003 ---
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I've been best friends with this guy for about 6
years. We've always been really close, and since I just
got back in town from working at a ski resort in another
town for the last year, we've been even closer. I've
started to think of him as more than just my best
friend, and more of a -- well, potential boyfriend. I
mean - I can't be totally crazy. We have mutual
interests, we like spending time together and we can
have completely candid conversations! I've mentioned
this feeling to mutual friends and a lot of them think
that maybe it's not such a good idea to pursue anything
but I think that this COULD work... If I pursue this and
the feelings aren't mutual then I've just lost the best
friend I've ever had. What do I do?
- Bridgit, Age 19 from Canada
The "BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND 3 POINT
CONVERSION" is one of the trickiest maneuvers in
the relationship game. You're in good company. At some
point in everyone's life they decide they really like
someone who calls them a 'friend'. We're all faced with
that same choice, too: Risk it all or... not. I usually
recommend the controversial alcohol approach. It's
looked down upon by the masses, but the fact is it can
be very effective in this specific situation. Here's how
it works: Take your good buddy out for drinks. Get
totally wasted (shots work well). Then when he's let his
guard down, attack him as if his mouth was on fire and
you were going to heroically put it out with your
tongue! If he beats you off with an empty bar stool, you
can claim 'the booze made me do it - it'll never happen
again'. Never fails.
- The Man
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I have a teacher and I love him like a father.
Sometimes it feels like God really gave me another
chance with my father. (My father passed away.) He
reminds me so much of my daddy. I go and talk to him
when I'm depressed and he's been great about everything.
He knows I have a hard time trusting men and he's done
everything he can to help. He gave me his phone number
and told me he'd pick me up if I needed him. He's been
really good about not giving me more attention than the
rest of his students and everything. Lately he's been
acting really weird around me. He's been giving me a lot
of attention and, about a week ago, I went to talk to
him and he grabbed my cheek. Then he grabbed me and
pulled my body against his. With his arm around my back,
his body in front of me and my head was resting on his
chest, so I couldn't really move. It was forced on me
but at first it wasn't weird. Today he got really close
to me, his face really close to mine. I get really
nervous when he gets too close to me. I never felt this
way before and it's scaring me. I know what he did
wasn't right but I would trust this man with my life.
What should I do?
- Amy, Age 13 from New Jersey
This man is dangerous and you should tell your
parents. He's crossed the line. He's doing something
wrong and you're in danger. Eventually he might try to
have sex with you and you need to be prepared to tell
him to STOP. Hopefully you can tell your mom or the
principle before anything bad happens to you. It's very
unfortunate that you would trust someone so much and
then he would betray your trust like this. You're 13 and
very innocent, but he's a teacher and should KNOW BETTER
than to do this kind of thing. Take my advice. I'm SURE
about this: go tell your mom what happened and ask her
what to do before you get hurt. Okay? Good luck. Let me
know what happens.
- The Man
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Question
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Why would my lover suddenly want anal intercourse? And
why does a guy want anal intercourse? Not that I am
totally turned off by it, but I am just wondering what a
guy thinks. Thanks!
- Beverly, Age 43 from New York
If it's all of a sudden, one of two things happened: he
either saw it in a movie or magazine and decided it was
about time, or he's been thinking about it for some time
and finally decided to take the frontal approach with
regard to asking you. This is just something 'new' that
you can do. The funny thing is, it's not always what it's
cracked up to be. I've heard from people that tried it
once and, well, lets just say it's not their cup of java.
You'll soon find out, I'll wager.
- The Man
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I've known this guy for 4 years. We're pretty good
friends. I'm still a virgin & he wants to have sex
with me. I've been thinking about it, but the only thing
holding me back is that I'm afraid that once he gets it,
he won't have any reason to talk to me anymore. He says
that that won't happen, but I don't know.
- Tracci, Age 18 from Texas
Well, while sex CAN and DOES change things, I really
can't believe this guy's evil plan was to befriend you,
wait for 4 years just to nail you, and then toss you
aside like yesterday's newspaper. If you've been friends
for 4 years, I suspect that you will continue to be
friends, although your relationship will probably
change. It's always better to 'do it' with someone you
actually care about, but if you're old enough, and you
use proper protection, then you can try it if you really
want to.
- The Man
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My best guy friend has a unibrow and I know how much
more handsome he would look if it wasn't there, but he
is so sweet and I don't want to hurt his feelings. I
know this is really shallow, but how do I let him know
that I don't particularly like it without making him
feel bad?
- Samantha, Age 14 from Maryland
Go see the movie Frieda. It's with Selma Hayek and it
is in theatres right now. Putting that aside for a
moment, I'd get some other opinions. Perhaps it's not as
bad as you think it is. Some guys might look good with a
unibrow. Bert from Sesame Street, for instance (j/k).
Actually, there are some things that people just need to
discover on their own, Samantha. You can tell him, but
you're right - his feelings will probably get hurt.
- The Man
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I think that Brett is masturbating in the bathroom
when he goes up to shower. It sounds like it and it
looks like it on the toilet paper in the trash can. I
know it sounds like I am being paranoid, but I really
need to know. I asked him and he said that he was not.
Is there anyway I can know for sure? Is there any test
that I can do on the TP to know for sure? I know that
this sounds really stupid but, I am 37 years old and I
really need to know if I am with the right guy, I JUST
LOVE HIM SO MUCH! PLEASE HELP ME!
- Krista, Age 37 from Ohio
How does his masturbating in the bathroom make him
the right guy or the wrong guy? Frankly, your Sherlock
Homes impersonation is making me wonder if he's with the
RIGHT GIRL. I'd be pretty upset if I were spied on like
that. Guys wank, even married guys with good sex lives.
Sometimes it's just more convenient, either because it's
less messy, less time consuming, or just plain something
different. Whatever. Guys wank. Get used to it, and stop
snooping. I'm going to have to come up with some kind of
a YUK award for people like you and Craig (see above).
- The Man
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I have been with my mate for 9 years and I have been
the ROMANTIC person out of the whole relationship. I am
talking about candlelight baths and surprising him with
dozens of roses and bears and not to mention I proposed
to him and he happily accepted. However, my problem is
his excuses for not being as romantic as I am. " I
just want it to be perfect." Give me a break! Half
of the things I've done cost little or nothing. How
should I address this issue? I have before and I have
received nothing still. I am really about to give up
because each day I feel a little less appreciated than
the day before. Please help if you don't mind.
- Syreeta , Age 23 from Tennessee
Look, some people (guys AND girls) just don't have
that 'romantic' streak. You can't force that. It doesn't
mean you're not appreciated. It means that they aren't
romantic in a way you would like them to be. But it
would be silly and stupid to let something like that
sour an otherwise good relationship. Relationships are
about compromise (at least that's what I'm told). This
is a good example. If you like each other, then this is
a good example of something that you should just stop
worrying about.
- The Man
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Hey Answer Man! There are two guys in my life that I
respect and have feelings for, but I feel pressured by
one to have a committed, exclusive relationship (Guy A).
After much deliberation, I have decided that I want to
date Guy B and not Guy A. I care about Guy A, but I have
hurt him in the past and I don't know what to do. He
used to treat me poorly, but all of the sudden he keeps
telling me how head over heels he is for me. How do I
break it off with him so that I can pursue a
relationship with Guy B?
- Isis, Age 20 from Ohio
Cleanly and finally. No sense in drawing this out. I
remember being "Tuesday Night Guy" for some
girl I had just started dating (she confessed that there
were other guys). At first I was okay with it simply
because we had just met and I didn't feel like it would
be right to tell her that she's got to be exclusively
with me since we didn't really even know each other that
well, but then I realized that I didn't want to date a
girl that was with other men. The moral is, if you're
done playing, then be done sooner then later.
- The Man
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I'm a 28yr old career-oriented, very good-looking
single woman. My problem is that when I hang out at
clubs I always attract the guys who are considered to be
"rubbish" instead of the gentlemen. What's
wrong please? And why are the right kind of men so
scarce?
- Margaret, Age 28 from England
Is this a trick question? Men go to bars to find miss
'right now', not miss right. I know things are different
in Europe, but not THAT different. I'm not saying it's
impossible to find a nice guy in bars (I go to bars) but
I wouldn't have that be the only line you're fishing
with. Try some professional organizations, clubs,
sports, etc. There are men EVERYWHERE. Hell, out here in
the Silicon Valley, there's 10 men for every woman. My
kingdom for a nice girl!
- The Man
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Hi. There's this cute guy who's been trying to ask me
out for the past 4yrs, but I always manage to find an
excuse because he just isn't my type. How do I tell him
politely that I'd rather have him as a friend than as a
boyfriend?
- Christine, Age 22 from Michigan
Actually, I think the way you put it to me would work
just fine. Telling him you like him more as a friend
than anything else can work wonders... In situations
like this, I usually opt for the frontal approach to
problem solving. Good luck.
- The Man
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