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--- Archives From 12/30/01 --- |
- I'm 35 years old,
married for 16 years and I have been having an affair
for over a year. I have grown apart from my husband, I
love him but I have no passion or desire for him. I even
left the house for 3 months but came back home because I
didn't want to hurt him. I've spent my entire life
taking care of everyone, always taking their feelings
before my own and doing the right thing. I married him
when I was 18 and looking back now I believe I was too
young and didn't really know what I wanted. I'm not sure
what I should do. Do I leave him so that he can find
someone who will care about him and love him the way he
deserves? He's a wonderful guy, patience, loving, kind.
He knows about the affair but is willing to put it
behind us and move on. I feel like I'm just staying
because its easier and not what I really want. Then
again I don't think I know what it is I want.
- Lilly, Age 35 from New York
I think divorce is a natural part of life. More people
are getting divorced then ever before. You know why?
Because we can. People say that fleeting family values
is the culprit but I know better. It's the ability of
free people, unencumbered by traditional value systems
which were formerly imposed upon us by strict elders, to
leave marriages when circumstances take a turn for the
worse. If you're not happy, then why torture yourself,
right? On the other hand, any decision like this can be
considered short sighted if the outcome sucks. If you
leave your man only to end up single and alone, you'll
look back warmly on the days when you woke up next to
your current husband. In other words, if your life sucks
in 10 years, you'll be really sad you left him. If on
the other hand if you re-marry to Prince "Handsome
Richguy" you'll wonder why you didn't leave 5 years
ago. Life is a gamble, honey. Consider how great you
have things and then decide if you're willing to roll
the dice.
- The Man
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- Hey A Man, how do I
tell if my woman has reached an orgasm during
intercourse?
- Leo, Age 22 from Utah
Leo, I'm glad you asked. Currently there is no known
method for determining the validity of a female orgasm
claim. In other words, you're out of luck. Frankly, I
wish someone would invent some kind of machine that
could monitor the elusive female orgasm. (I'd hook my
woman up to that thing in a New York minute.) On the
other hand, my parents used to warn me about asking
questions like this one. You know, the kind of question
where you didn't really want the answer unless it was
the answer you wanted to hear. What if you find
out she's lied to each and every time? What if you find
out that you've in fact NEVER given her the big
O. Then what? Kind of humbling, isn't it?
- The Man
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- Will the penis of
a man go up if he has a cocaine habit?
- Carol , Age 18 from Florida
Yes, when he walks by a stash of cocaine his dick will
suddenly get hard - kind of like a drug smelling dog
alerting a police officer. In fact, his hard penis will
even point in the direction of the drugs and lead him to
it like a metal detector helping you find spare change
on a beach. Or are you asking if a dope fiend can still
have sex? Did some guy try and explain his impotence to
you by saying that he does too much coke? Could be.
Drugs have been known to cause a lack or performance...
- The Man
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- Hey A Man! My Question
is: Is there any physical damage that can be done from
extensive masturbation, like a few times a day? Thanks!
- Angela, Age 18 from New York
I suppose all that rubbing might wear away skin after a
while which could leave you open to contracting some
kind of infection or STD. I'd consult an expert just to
be on the safe side. p.s. Bravo [clap clap clap] !! 
- The Man
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- My boyfriend and
I have been dating for 5 months or so and, well, we want
to try new things. We want to try cyber sex while using
a camera on both ends. The thing is, I've seen him on
more then one occasion online, but he hasn't seen me
because I am very aware of how my body looks. He's out
of town, that is why we send pictures currently. So my
question is, how would you react if a woman sent you
pictures of her online but she's not a 10? But she still
is hot?
- Jan, Age 21 from New York
So, since he left town you've been hitting the cookie
jar and now you need to step in front of the camera, eh?
(kidding) Here's the deal: he's going to really like
experience. It's cool to see a porn film of your own
live girlfriend. I wouldn't worry about how you looked.
The "whole masturbate to your buddy online"
thing is going to be enough to keep him interested.
- The Man
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- My husband was in jail
for 4 years. We have a 5 year old child together. When
he went to jail we were not a couple but I started
writing him and we soon got back together. We got
married while he was locked up. When he was there he
made many promises that I have not seen yet. He has only
been out for 4 months and I already almost hate him. He
has two other kids by 2 different women. He jumps to
their tune. He and I never spend quality time together.
He's only home with me at night and he doesn't normally
get in until around 1 AM. Where he is until then I don't
have a clue because he has no job. The hour or two that
we do spend together in the day time is even worse
because we argue the entire time. Do you think he will
get better once he gets used to the free world again?
- Mellissia, Age 29
Okay, ummm... How exactly should I put this... NO!! Do
everyone a favor and don't have any more kids - with
anyone.
- The Man
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- Do
you have any idea how busy The Answer Man is???! If he
doesn't have time to answer your question, you can
always get answers in the "Ask Each Other"
forums from other people just like you.
Click Here
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- Hi A-Man. I lost
my virginity when I was 14 years old and now cant get
enough sex. The problem is every time that some bloke
inserts it into me, I am in pain. Plus I always keep
bleeding. I have rung the doctor about it but the
receptionist will not put me through to her. I am very
scared and don't know what to do. Could you please help.
- Jodie, Age 16 from England
Yes - go see the doctor in person. Scream at the stupid
receptionist if she still refuses. If you try hard
enough, you WILL get to see the doctor. This
receptionist is either an idiot or you're not making
enough noise to get her attention. Either way, you need
to see someone right away. It might be time to tell your
mom about this. She's not going to like you having sex,
but it's better to have your family mad at you then to
have some very bad medical problems AND have your family
mad at you. Go see a doctor and don't take NO for an
answer.
- The Man
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- My boyfriend gave
me oral sex once and he said his throat hurt for over
three days. He said I may have had a yeast infection.
Can this make his throat hurt or is he just trying to
avoid giving me oral sex. He said he really liked it and
we should see a doctor, so that he can start doing it
again, but I think this he exaggerating. Should I go and
see a doctor or try to convince him to do it and see
what happens?
- Donna, Age 21 from New York
Yeast infections can usually be cleared up by swallowing
a pill. What's the harm in checking with a doctor? In
fact, you can even get stuff over the counter to clear
up a yeast infection if you don't want to see a doctor.
They have all kinds of creams and stuff. If you want to
play ball, then play. He's given you the rules to the
game. All you need to do is follow them.
- The
Man
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- I am 20 years old. I
have been chatting with my mothers cousin. He is 32. He
is very nice and attractive. I was wondering would it be
wrong if we had a relationship and got serious, i.e.
marriage, children, etc. or is this wrong?
- Tina, Age 20 from Massachusetts
That's kind of close on the ol' homestead, don' t you
think Tina? Not to mention difficult to explain to
family and friends... I'd suggest you look for someone
swinging from branches on a different family tree then
your own. On top of everything else, there's a huge
difference in age. It's okay to date a 32 year old
normally, but you're just asking for trouble with all
the other issues you'll be dealing with.
- The Man
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- I have been
searching and talking to doctors and nurses and I keep
getting mixed answers to my question. If you are fooling
around and you ejaculate and some sperm gets on you
hands (but not much) and then you finger a girl, can she
get pregnant?
- Jeff , Age 19 from Michigan
In a nutshell, anything is possible. Even if a doctor
tells you it's safe, some bizarre accident could still
happen and then the doctor would go, "okay - I was
wrong". The fact is, there's no telling how much
semen got in and whether any of it was lucky enough to
impregnate the girl. It's better to be safe. Don't have
sex until you understand it better.
- The Man
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- My husband and I
have two young sons together and they LOVE to wrestle
and play fight, which is great but I have noticed that
sometimes he will have a hard-on. This is totally
disturbing to me and when I told him he said that it's
already there because the boys will jump in bed with us
and wrestle with him first thing in the morning. This is
not something he encourages - they're little boys they
think it is funny to ambush a sleeping daddy. I know it
is normal to have a morning woody, but wouldn't it go
away if he is playing with the boys? He says sometimes
it wont go away until he pees. Should I be concerned?
There is NOTHING else in their relationship that has
ever seemed 'off' in any way.
- Ursula, Age 27 from California
I wouldn't be worried about it even a little. It's not
his fault. The "morning hard-on" is one of the
strongest materials in the natural world. It's right up
there with diamond and high speed steel. I suggest you
find a picture of his grandmother and keep it handy.
When the kids perform an ambush, hold him down and show
him the picture. Tell him that she's "hot" for
him. That should solve the problem.
- The Man
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- My new step dad
thinks it is rude if I don't say "yes sir" or
"no sir" when he asks me a question or tells
me to do something. He also makes me say "yes
Ma'am" to my mom. Since we live in his house I
guess I have to do this. My friends think I am being a
cry baby because my step dad is really nice and most of
my friend's parents make them say sir and ma'am, too. Do
you think I should just do what he wants or tell him I
will not change my vocabulary for him?
- Jason, Age 15 from Texas
This is one of those fights you won't win. For one
thing, he sounds like a good guy, which means that other
people are not likely to take your side. Furthermore,
it's not a bad habit. Why not just do it if it makes him
happy? It's free, right? Here's a good rule to live by -
if you can give a little, then give. There's really no
reason to tell him to take a hike. You don't gain
anything by being a pain in the ass, but you have a lot
to lose including his respect and the respect of those
around you. Some battles are worth fighting, but this
isn't one of them.
- The Man
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- I'm 43 and my
husband keeps asking for a blowjob. I don't know exactly
how to give one so I always turn him down but now I want
to surprise him, so could you please tell me exactly how
to do this?
- In Desperate Need, Age 43 from Alabama
Just use your head. 
(Sorry people - I couldn't resist.)
- The Man
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- Listen
to The Man's 10 Minute Internet Talk Show, built for
your coffee break. Click here
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- If the girl
doesn't tell the guy that she is a virgin, will he be
able to tell when he enters?
- Grace, Age 22 from Arizona
No one ever knows for sure. He will definitely know if
you're inexperienced, however. You can't just walk onto
the soccer field and expect to play like Mia Ham. If
you're a virgin, you might experience some discomfort.
He might not even make it in at all. In that case, he's
liable to figure it out. If he's really inexperienced
too, you could probably fool him.
- The Man
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- My boyfriend cannot
keep his erection when I ride him (ever!). Why do you
think this is happening?
- Cowgirl, Age 27 from New Jersey
Gravity.
- The Man
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- Hi, Mr. Man. I am
a 26 years old man. There's an older woman I know.
Although she is 59 years old, I found her attractive and
lovely. She is a married woman with 2 children. Her
oldest son is even older than me. I'd like to date her.
Can you please give me some advice?
- Hween, Age 26 from Other Country
Been smoking a little extra dope from that hookah, eh
Hween? Is there more you're not telling me? Does she
want to leave her husband for you? I can't think of a
more unlikely couple then the two of you. I suggest you
move on. Sometimes things just aren't meant to be. This
might be one of those times...
- The Man
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- I hate to perform
oral sex. I find it very degrading so I don't do it. I
feel this way due to the sexual abuse I went through as
a child. My problem is that men find this out and leave
me. I am fighting with my current boyfriend now about
this. We are trying hard to over come this but he
doesn't know if he can live without it. Could you help
both of us? Yes I was in therapy for 12 years - this is
the outcome. Please help!
- Meg, Age 24 from Delaware
I wouldn't tell guys about the sexual abuse right away.
Instead, just say you don't like to give head. There are
lots of guys out there willing to live without it. If
he's not willing to live without blowjobs, then to hell
with him.
- The Man
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- What is the best color
shoes to wear with dark blue jeans, brown or black?
- Josh, Age 24 from Maine
Survey says "black". Brown is better for
lighter colors, although black goes with everything.
- The Man
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