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• I am a 33 year old divorced single mom of two. Therefore I am playing with three hearts in the dating world. I have gone on many first dates and talked to several men only to find out very quickly they were not worth any more time. I started dating this man about a month and a half ago. He has been divorced for about 1 year and a half with 2 kids, and has also dated. From our first date things started off very heavy. He told me a lot of serious things such as he doesn’t want to see anyone else, he believes in love at first sight now and he thinks he loves me. The whole first week we were together, things were very intense. We texted many times throughout the day, talked, saw each other several times. He did go through one period where he disappeared for a day. We had no contact or any response to my texts or calls. His explanation was that he is just not a phone person (which he told me), and that he was fine with the way things are going. He is now going through another phase where I don’t get a response when I text or call. I make a very conscious effort not to call or text incestuously and try not make him feel smothered. When we are together, things seem fine. He still refers to future events, and getting kids involved. My question is should I worry about the times that he disappears and doesn’t respond for a day?
   - Audrey, Age 33 from Ohio on Aug 17, 09
  
  Intense contact with someone you don't know is a risky business. No matter how great things are in the beginning, you really don't know someone well until serious time has passed. Now that being said, I'm not encouraging you to drop the guy. I've had some of these intense relationships myself that were on the level. And maybe he just needs some space once in a while. One day out of the week in a new relationship is not really all that much - in fact it's not much at all. On the other hand, you'd be silly to believe everything he says without knowing him better and knowing more about him. Also, the things he has said to you seem fishy. All that jazz about love at first sight is a little to convenient. Besides, he might fall out of genuine love as quickly as he falls in. So, my message here is not to drop this guy, but to treat him with real, genuine caution. He could be on the level, but he could also have a second family in some house across town so you need to be very, VERY careful with this one.
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• I have a best friend who I've known since I was just a little three-week-old baby and she was just five days younger. We've been really close all of our lives, but lately we've been taking different directions. Last month we had a two-week-long sleepover, half of it at her house and the other half at my house. We had a blast. But during that time, I noticed that she wasn't the girl I had grown up with anymore. She swore frequently (which caused an uncomfortable situation at the movie theater one day) and talked about things that thirteen-year-old shouldn't talk about. Yeah, I'm no perfect little angel, but I know when to draw the line. She doesn't anymore. Then, when she told me that she had done drugs before, I felt like crying. This was my best friend, and she was doing all the wrong things. She saw how I reacted, and promised me that she wouldn't do it ever again if I kept her secret. And I've known her long enough to know that she was telling the truth. But I'm really scared about what's going to happen to her. I want to be there for her, and help her make good decisions, but we don't see each other as much anymore and I'm rarely going to be there to tell her when enough is enough. How should I deal with this?
   - Shantel, Age 13 from Utah on Jul 24, 08
  
  Excellent question, Shantel. First of all, this is all completely normal. People change over time and diverge. Friends can grow apart and take very different paths. You can't change this, and it's not even worth trying. You'll fail every time. The old saying is that you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. I think this situation applies perfectly. It appears you and your friend are going to be very different people as you grow up.
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• I met my husband three years ago, and we were married last fall. I am 31, he's 25. We have a nearly ideal relationship and look forward to spending the rest of our lives together. My problem is that my sex drive has dwindled over the course of the past few years; it was normal when we met, but now it's next to nil. I am still attracted to him, I'm not interested in anyone else, and he satisfies me completely when we have sex -- but I want it once a month, where he'd rather have it at least a couple times a week. We have a semi-open relationship; he can have sex with other women if he chooses (I could have other men, but have no desire to; I can't keep up with the one I've got!) but he seldom wants to -- he wants ME. I just don't know how to revive my lost desire! I know it makes him feel undesirable but that's not the problem -- it's like my sex drive is "broken" and I don't know how to fix it! Any ideas? I wouldn't be comfortable with counseling, and I don't believe he would either -- he has no respect for psychiatrists and I wouldn't be able to go without his knowledge and consent (by mutual agreement, he does our budgeting for everything). By the way, we have no children.
   - Dawn, Age 31 from Illinois on Jul 24, 08
  
  I think it's probably normal to go through stages of wanting it/not wanting it. After all, even if spaghetti is your favorite meal, you're going to be sick of it after a few days if that's all you're eating. I don't think there's a fix here. At least you're allowing him to screw other people. On the other hand, I can certainly understand why he'd feel undesireable... I've been there myself with women. It sucks, but that's life. If you want, you could compromise. I mean, who cares if you're that into sex at the moment. It's not going to kill you to have sex a little more often just for his sake. Who knows? You might decide you like it again after a few great orgasms. The other thing you might try is some crazy kinky stuff you never imagined doing. Maybe somehow that might help. You can't fix what's not really broken, but you can try I suppose.
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• I masturbate almost every day and afterword I feel weird, like I did something wrong and should be ashamed. Is this normal? I also started looking at porn sites lately. Is that normal too?
   - Anna, Age 13 from Pennsylvania on Jul 24, 08
  
  It's hard to put a sign on something these days and call it 'normal'. There's really no such thing. I will say that at 13, it would be a little strange if you didn't do those things. You're fine. Stop worrying. By the way, if you're going squeeze out rounds more than once or twice a day, I'd do some one-armed push ups to keep the OTHER arm from looking small by comparison (at least us guys have to worry about that). You don't want to start looking like Hellboy - if you know what I mean.
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• Is there such thing as ejaculating too much? Is it bad for you to ejaculate more than a certain amount of times in a week or in a month?
   - Bob, Age 19 from California on Jul 24, 08
  
  Well, first of all, what are we talking about here? Twice a day or twice before your morning coffee? There's a difference. I think at some point your body will regulate itself. I mean, unless you have a super-human prostate you're going to be naturally limited. On the other hand, if you're spanking the monkey in the back seat of your car before work in the morning because you can't wait until Ally McBeal re-runs at 9PM then you might consider holding back a little.
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• I've been in a relationship with a really nice lady for three months. The problem I'm having is that she has four dogs that she is very close to. Every time I'm around her, she seems to pay more attention to the dogs then me. I'm not a demanding person, and I don't need to constantly have someone paying attention to me. She even needs to have the dogs sleep in bed with us when I spend the night. These dogs snore and move around a lot. I feel like I'm taking a back seat to these dogs. I put a higher value on human life than an animal. Any advice?
   - Ken, Age 34 from Iowa on Apr 01, 08
  
  How should I put this? Sounds like you're wrong for each other. She's never going to give up the dogs, and you're always going to feel like you're in second place. That being said, you could always tell her how you feel. Maybe she would give you more attention if she understood your feelings. Communication is key to any successful relationship, so it can't hurt to let her know. By the way, if more people felt less like you did about animals, the world would be a better place.
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• I am 12 years old. Many people in my class at school have boyfriends, but I haven't had one yet. There's this boy that I'm friends with, and over time I have begun to have a crush on him. I think if I asked him out, he might say yes. There is another problem though. My parents think that I'm too young to be dating. I tried asking my mom why I can't have a boyfriend, and she just told me what I said before: that I am too young. I really want to honor my parents' wishes, but I've listened to my mom talk before and she thinks that even high school is too young for a boyfriend. I'm afraid that if I wait too long, my friend may not be single anymore, but I also would like to obey my parents. What should I do?
   - Mary, Age 12 from Utah on Apr 01, 08
  
  First of all, Mary, let me say that I'm incredibly impressed with your email. Not a single spelling error AND you use proper punctuation without me needing to correct it. I don't think I've ever gotten an email from someone your age that writes this articulately and clearly. Very nicely done! :) As for your question: I would say that having a boyfriend is just a title. It doesn't really mean anything when you're 12 anyway. You're going to have many boyfriends as you learn about the qualities you like and dislike in a man. It's just something that you call yourself and your relationship. You can still have a 'close' friend regardless of the title. The reason your mom has told you not to do this is because she is worried that you'll start doing things girls do with their boyfriends (i.e. sex). As long as you're careful not to get too involved with your little boyfriend, you should be okay. Just keep your distance and you'll keep your honor.
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• My question is simple: Do you have any tips as far as sexually seducing a guy? I know that every guy has their 'turn ons' but what are a few of the best ways to seduce a man?
   - Dezi, Age 18 from Texas on Apr 01, 08
  
  You're a woman which means that sexually seducing a guy is much easier than you think. Most women have the necessary tools right in their bras. Of course, if that doesn't work, you could try beer. Beer works 80% of the time and Vodka fills out the other 20%. If none of those things work, then check the mirror: perhaps you're not REALLY a woman. ;)
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• How do you go about letting somebody down easily in a long distance relationship that you have just been dating casually? She lives two hours away and I don't want to drive all the way down there just to dump her.
   - Dan, Age 33 from Louisiana on Mar 30, 08
  
  I think it's okay to do it by phone if you're not serious. I wouldn't send her an email or anything, but for a casual relationship - something that's not yet 'serious' a phone call - as long as it's in person and not a message - is acceptable dating etiquette.
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• A have a problem with the lady who cleans for me. She has a friend who is also on the property and the friend comes into my place when I am not there. I have had several things turn up missing, but I do not believe it is the woman who cleans. Her friend is a different story. How do I tell her that I don't want the person in my house anymore when I am not there, without actually saying that I think she is stealing?
   - Carol, Age 30 from Texas on Mar 29, 08
  
  This is a classic case of honesty being the best policy. I wouldn't be as worried about her stealing something as I would about her accidentally breaking something, tracking dirt into the house, etc. Just tell her it's not appropriate to have anyone over for any reason. I don't think you need to bring up the subject of theft at all if you don't want to. If she still lets her friend in, get rid of her.
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